He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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