I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i dont even know how to be here
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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