The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
