I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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