thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it was like eating out sand paper
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's blow job season.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
