He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm eating all of the evidence.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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