Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
