He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
