i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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