is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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