i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
