it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
