I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
