if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
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