She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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