Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize