how can u be prego again
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
