If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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