Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize