just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
