You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
