OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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