sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I need to wash the frat house off of me
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
