You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize