if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
