I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
