A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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