she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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