idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
