don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
