Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize