Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
