Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
