Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
