i jhust puked up my retainher.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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