No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
