I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
