it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
