Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
