Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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