You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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