Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
