then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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