Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
