Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize