I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
