I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
