oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
