just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
