I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
