I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize