All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
