They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
