how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
