Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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