We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
