Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
