filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize