Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
