Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
