So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
