He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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