i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
