You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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